Heaven

Heaven, let me tell you about the last week in my life and why I start out with the word heaven.

On June 22, I went for a routine 26 week OB appointment while here in Georgia (I had planned on seeing the doctor a couple of times, due to the length of time we would be in GA, before heading to Illinois). During my visit, I told the doctor that I was a little concerned, because I felt like my baby wasn't very active. Seconds later, he put the doppler on my stomach to hear the heartbeat, and after a few minutes of trying, he didn't find one. Of course, I was scared to death, and I know that at 26 weeks, that's just not normal or okay. He walks me down the hall to have an ultrasound, I am alone and scared, and in my heart, I know this isn't good. I start praying for peace and strength, because I know that I'm about to face something really difficult, that I could never face without my God. The tech performed the ultrasound, and within less than a minute, she says she will be back with the doctor. Again, I am in tears and crying out to God for help. My doctor walks in and tells me that my baby is no longer living; she has been dead for 2-3 weeks. I was in shock, and beside myself with sorrow and agony and so many questions. I wanted him to be wrong; not my baby, she was okay just four weeks ago. More than anything, I ached for my husband (who was thousands of miles away) to be by my side; I can't go through this without him, we are one.
My mom was called; she and my dad came to me very quickly. They were the first ones that I shared this difficult news with; I'm so thankful they were there to hold me, and cry with me. The doctor discussed some things with us, and then we left. It was so strange, because my world had been rocked with such sad news, but the sun was still shining, and other people were going about with their daily lives and routines.
I called Greg, he was just starting his Tuesday morning, it was 6:00 am; he had been for a run and was so chipper. I wished so badly that I didn't have to tell him that our baby girl had passed away. In our 10 years of marriage, this is the most tragic time we've shared. Greg was in just as much shock as I was. There we sat on the phone separated by such a distance, but grieving together. Greg told me we needed to contact the American Red Cross; in situations like these, the process of getting home would be expedited with their help. My mom started making phone calls, and I prayed. We needed to be together, and the sooner, the better. Within a few hours, Greg was notified of his flight time, which was Tuesday night 6:00 pm. He had a few hours to get things taken care of in Korea, before he would board the bus to head to the airport. Things moved so quickly, for that I was and am still thankful.
From the time he arrived home, until now, it has been so crazy; the last week seems like a blur to both of us. We have walked down a path that neither one of us planned to take, but God was not surprised. I find comfort and hope in Him. He has given us a peace, and even though we don't understand why our baby never lived in this world, we trust him and we believe that "in all things, God works for the good of those who love him." Romans 8:28
On Thursday, June 25, we went to the hospital so that I could be induced. I had at this point cried and prayed, and knew that God would get me through this time, I certainly didn't have it in myself to get through this. Greg was by my side through it all. On June 26th, 18 hours after being induced, our baby girl, Josianne Gabrielle entered this world. It was so sad. She should have cried, but she didn't. She should have been bigger, instead, she was so tiny and fragile. She should have been alive, but she wasn't. We held her and cried over her. We were in shock, but at the same time, we knew this was real. The time in the hospital was not easy, in fact, many tears were shed there. And when I was released, sadness hit me hard that I was leaving the hospital, without Josianne. No mama plans to have her baby and then leave without her.
I should share with you that there were so many prayers on our behalf and we knew it. Although this journey is not easy, God's strength has made it possible and has given both Greg and I the courage to face each new day. I like Psalm 147:3, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Indeed, He is healing us.
Greg and I chose to have a very private memorial service for Josianne. Her body was precious to us and we wanted to take care of her with dignity, love and respect. On June 29th, we buried our sweet Josianne. My childhood pastor, who actually married us, officiated the service. It was so sweet and we were very encouraged. Josianne is in heaven and we will see her again. Yes, there will be days ahead that I miss her and mourn her loss. I'll think about what she might have looked like. I will always wish I could have known her and watched her grow up with her sister and brothers. But, I will always know that she's in a glorious place and that I will be with her and know her in that perfect place, where there's no pain or tears...Heaven.

My dear family and friends, thank you for your words of encouragement and for your prayers and the tears you have shed with me. I love you all, and I want you to know that God will carry us through this valley. "Be strong and take courage, do not fear or be dismayed, for the Lord, your God is with you, where ever you go." Joshua 1:9

An Update

Just two weeks ago we said goodbye to Korea and after a long, long flight, we said hello to America. It was a bittersweet day, and I do miss Korea; but, we are having fun and adjusting to life. We have seen lots of family and friends, spent time in the pool, ate out at some of the places we missed, I have shopped, the kids have enjoyed the yard and VBS...we are busy! I'll blog more later, but I figured I should post something so that you all would know we made it to the US and we are doing well! Greg will be leaving Korea in 2 weeks, and then we will make our way to Illinois; not long after we get settled, we'll be having #4...looking forward to the new chapter in our lives and the plans God has for us in IL!!!

What I'll Miss...

There are many aspects of life here in Korea that I am going to miss. When we moved here, 2 years ago, I was unsure of what to expect; I was somewhat scared and anxious, very pregnant with Jamison and far, far away from the familiarities of life. Why didn't I rest in God's plans and know that He had worked out the many details that consumed my thoughts and worries? In these difficult moments and times of transitions, God was faithful (as he has promised to never leave us, nor forsake us) to guide us and show us His plan. After arriving, life fell into place; not without some trials and some difficulties and a lot of missing our family, but Korea became our home. God placed some wonderful ladies in my life that became my circle of constant friendship and support. Many of those ladies have since moved, some are still here...they have made this a fun experience. He placed us in a wonderful church, where we grew and our children were taught the truth in love every Sunday. We have made some wonderful memories and have experienced another culture...what an opportunity! Jamsion will always have the fact that he was born in Seoul, Korea...that's a conversation piece! I thought my time to leave would never get here; now that it's two and half days away, it's a bitter sweet time. I feel as though I am leaving family again, my military family. So, to those left here at Osan Air Base: enjoy your time here, embrace every moment, and continue to help each other out! Before you know it, you too will be saying good-bye...which is not as easy as you might think!

What I'll miss:

-my sweet friends...there are too many to name!

-Pizza night at the Officer's Club, where the kids went crazy and bounced in the bouncy castle and the parents just relaxed

-the Flower Market, where flowers are so, so cheap...like 6 dollars for a dozen roses!

-the National Anthem at 5:30, every weekday and Taps every night at 10:00...

-the simplicity of life that I have come to appreciate

-Thai food...this was Jordan's favorite, Pad Thai

-Knowing almost every single lady and not being able to go anywhere here on base without stopping to talk to at least 5 people!

-Happy Quilt-where I have spent much time and money...building my collection of designer fabric, it only cost 2.50-3.00 a yard!

- Hallasan Tower-our apartment; and being able to run upstairs, downstairs or down the hall to play, visit with a friend or borrow an egg!

- Everland (an amusement park) that we have been to a bazillion times

-our church, Mission Baptist and my MOPS group there

-Ms. Lee, my ajima (cleaning lady) who gave me freedom from all household chores...I became a bit spoiled and maybe even lazy!

-afternoons at the park or the indoor pool, along with many other mothers

-walking Jannah to and from school

And, here are a few things we won't miss, not even a little bit:

-After 2 years of being here, my children no longer like being gawked at and having their pictures taken by random people; nor does one of my children (Jordan) care to be touched on his cheeks and head by strangers while we are out. What he doesn't realize is that in the Korean culture, he is put on a pedestal because he is a son (and they love his blue eyes and fair skin). So, I hope when we get back to America, they can cope with loosing their celebrity status!

-The smells of Korean cuisine; somehow, we just never acquired a taste or liking for the food here. The smell of these bugs cooking (for your pleasure of eating) still make me sick.

-I won't miss the Exercises (practice/preparation for war time with North Korea) that the active duty participate in and the ones that we as spouses participate in...although, it's for a very worthy cause (like right now, Kim Jong Il is making it all seem real and worthwhile).

-I won't miss the crazy moped drivers that can do you more harm than the buses!

-I won't miss lugging groceries from the parking garage, up to the 3rd floor and down the long hallway to my apartment!

All in all, there is much more that I will miss than I won't miss!

The week in pictures

Jordan, oh my Jordan. I called him my Hawaiian cowboy on this day. I really like the cowboy boots (I'm from the South and can appreciate them). But, Jordan usually wants to wear them with the wrong outfits...I guess that's just how it works! I love that boy and his "unique" ideas and his ability to make us laugh; he's the clown of the family thus far!


Jannah and Jamison in the tent they all made...with every blanket, pillow and umbrella in the house!


Me and Jordan baked some of my favorite cookies, Oatmeal Raisin Chocolate Chip...can you go wrong with that combo? I don't think so! I totally lost count of how many hot ones we ate!

20 Weeks!!

These are the children...

These are the children that call me Mama. I am so blessed and still can't believe I am sharing my life with such a wonderful man and 3 incredible children, with one more on the way. On Mother's Day, I was truly in awe of being a mother and having such a wonderful mother. I know I am late, but Happy Mother's Day to all of my loved ones!

On Monday, we found out that our baby is a baby GIRL!! We are so excited to know and call the baby "her" ans "she". Jannah is rejoicing , as she was wanting a sister. And honestly, I wanted that for her too; I love my sister dearly and wanted so badly for Jannah to have that sisterly love later in life. I must say that we would have been equally as happy with another boy, (I was sure this baby was a boy and asked the ultrasound tech several times if she was sure, and she assured me she was)! I am 20 weeks, half way there to meeting my baby girl; I'll post some prego shots one day, I have to look prego first!

I love these days of my life, that I spend being a Mama!

KoJeon Antique Store

I ventured out on Monday with a small group of girls to find this antique store; thankfully, my friend Karen knew where we were going. Good thing! We all grabbed coffee and headed out, it was a rainy day, so there was no better way to spend the morning! This was a big warehouse, frilled with beautiful pieces of furniture and many other decorative odds and ends. I did manage to find some things that I thought I needed; will always remind me of my time in Korea, and the fond memories I have. After we all shopped, the lady working told us she ordered pizza for us...now that's what I'm talking about! We shop and then the owner feeds us, while she totals all of our purchases...will I get that in the US?

my loot...no big pieces...but it still added up to 286 thousand won...wanna guess how much that is? There's a tray, teacup/saucer, candle holders, small wooden bowls, ducks, calligraphy brushes and a drum...yay!

These brushes, Chinese Calligraphy brushes, were the main attraction for me...I wanted to add to my collection before moving (in 3 weeks)!!! Aren't these so gorgeous? I have liked them from the very first time I laid my brown eyes on them, 2 years ago. Most people build a little collection while over in Asia. They are a dime a dozen in China, not so easy to find in Korea. SO, I was thrilled, and like a kid when I hit this jackpot! By the way, we're trying to squeeze China in...we'll see if it happens :)

OAES Field Day

We joined Jannah for field day last Friday; even Jordan was invited to participate. There was much fun to be had with many games to play. The reward was a popsicle once all of the games had been marked off of their card; the funny part was that Jannah wasn't motivated at all to do the games....because we have popsicles at home (her own words)! She did have fun and so did Jordan, the best part for me is that it was warm and sunny...love the warmer days we are having and I had fun with all of the other moms!

Jannah and her teacher, Ms. Lowder

Brooke & Jannah (they were partners for the day)

Jordan doing the football toss...they told him he was so good, he would play for the Dallas Cowboys one day...so that's what he now thinks!

Jordan putting on combat gear (only in Korea would you do that at field day)

Jannah with the popsicle...turns out everyone got one...regardless of completing all of the games!

Pigtails...finally

Back in November, Jannah chose to cut her hair and donate it to Pantene's Beautiful Lengths (they make wigs with hair donations). Her hair has been growing out, and although she likes it short, I have always known that she misses her long hair. Last week, she asked me to put her hair in pigtails, I really didn't think it would work, but I had to try...for her! After little effort, pigtails were in place. She was so excited. She stood in the mirror, just looking at herself and playing with them. It was so very cute and sweet. She's had pigtails in quit a bit since then...new hairstyles are always a good thing!

Sunday Finest