Remembering...

Today I am remembering my sweet baby girl, who was born into heaven. On June 22, we found out that our baby had died, when I was 26 weeks pregnant. The doctors said it was SIDS, in the womb, there was no explanation. On June 26, Josianne was born...into heaven. I read that on another blog and thought it was the best way to describe her birth. I carried her in my womb for 26 weeks, but she never lived outside of me. In fact, she slipped into heaven without even stepping foot into this world. It all seems so distant, but then again, it all seems not that long ago. Sometimes I imagine what it would have been like if she would have been a part of our family. Sometimes, I cry at the thought or mention of her. Sometimes, I don't. Sometimes, my children ask about her. Sometimes, God gives me an opportunity to share my story and his love and grace that got me through the pain. Sometimes, I wish she were here. Sometimes, I can't believe that I lost her. Sometimes, I read my blog and relive every moment of it all, just so that I can always remember her...because sometimes, God has a way of allowing time to bring healing. With that healing, sometimes, I forget how sad loosing Josianne really was. And then, sometimes...I choose to trust God's heart, because I sure can't trace his hand, or make sense of a difficult situation. And I always rest in that peace and hope and find comfort and joy for the journey!!! I always, always, always know that His plans are best and that I can trust Him to do what is best for me...even when I sometimes, don't understand!

"For I know the plans I have for you"-this is the Lord's declaration-"plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

Let's Fondue!!

Saturday was Greg's birthday...it was time to celebrate!! I surprised him with an *adults only* night out, to the Melting Pot! We had so much fun and he was definitely surprised...love to make him happy and catch him off guard :)

Our friends that joined us: Jon, Kara, Shara, Tricia, Dwayne, Greg, Steve and Christa...good times ya'll, we will have to go back!

We enjoyed a cheese course, salad course, meat and veggie course, and everyone's favorite, the chocolate!

This was the dessert plate...all was to be smothered and covered with chocolate...soooo good! We all joked that we would come back and eat at the Jimmy Johns sub shop next door, then go over for a round of chocolate, since that is the highlight!

Happy Birthday Greg!!!

Happy Birthday to the love of my life! You are an incredible husband and loving daddy! We celebrate YOU today, and all that God is doing in your life. Thank you for being faithful to Him, for being fun-loving, and for the memories we've shared through the years...may your day be full of joy and laughter, and your years be blessed by the hand of God!

We love you!!

Power of Prayer

Greg and I have both been very, very blessed this past week. On Sunday, some men came to our house to pray for Greg. He was very touched and humbled. He really didn't say a lot, other than he had been very encouraged. It was very evident that he was appreciative, grateful and had been blessed by the prayers of his brothers in Christ. Last night, I went to a friend's house, where some ladies gathered to pray for me...it was my turn for a night full of love. I came home and like Greg, I didn't say much, other than it was a special night and I was so thankful for those who care so much about us. It's hard to put into words how awesome of a night it was. It really doesn't get much better than having a group of ladies bear your burdens as they let your concerns and petitions be known to our Lord. We have been here for a year now and I am amazed at the support system that God has built for us. He is not surprised by any of this and He is working out every little detail. There's a song that I love, "He is With You," by Mandisa; it paints a beautiful picture of God always being with you, through the good times and bad. I am clinging to that right now. I wasn't able to load it onto my blog...maybe one day soon it will be available, it is so encouraging for all of the difficult times we walk through. I close with one thought, He is with us, and we know that! Thank you prayer warriors!!!

What's this?

What's this? Who did this? How did this happen? These are a few of he questions I ask myself...daily! Here are a few caught on camera!!!

This is a tea party, in pj's! Jannah has had this mini tea set for a few years now, and it's still a favorite past time for all of them to pull it out and have fun. I think they did this for a good 30 minutes!

Jamison kinda likes the scissors...he actually kinda scares me with his like of them; I don't want him to have them, unless he is under strict supervision. I think he would go crazy and cut all kinds of things!

This is Jordan's newest trick. Do your children or do any of you adults climb up your door, by way of the door frame? I'm just wondering?

This would be Jamison's work. He apparently ate some of this apple and decided he would finish it later. I had no idea he even had some of it, until a day or so later...gross!

Do we look pretty, or what? Jannah put her make up on me and then I put some on her...we had no where to go for the afternoon, which made this ok!

This is a really good thing! Jannah received a certificate for being on the A honor roll all year long. I am so PROUD of her!!!

not so Wordless Wednesday

Have I ever mentioned that I LOVE this man? Well, I sure do...and I love him a lot. There are actually no words to describe how much I love him and how my love for him has gotten stronger, deeper, and unstoppable over the last couple of weeks...one benefit of a trial is being brought closer together...

Surgeon Consult

Monday was a big day for us, as we met with the surgeon, Dr. Bhayani.

Before I talk about the consult, let me make a few observations...

First off, I've never been in such a large hospital, nor have I been in one that's attached to a university. What an incredible place. For some reason, my little mind can not comprehend all of the intricacies and details of a day at the hospital and those who make the life saving changes in people. I am amazed at modern day medicine!

Once I was over how large the hospital was, I remembered we were there for a reason; which made me realize everyone was there for a reason, most likely a life threatening reason. That was so sad to me. It all seemed real to me and for the first time, the reality of Greg having cancer set in. My strong facade began to crack, and tears welled up in my eyes; I've been trying to be strong for him and for the kids, but it all set in on Monday. All I could do was hold his hand, walk beside him, and tell him once again how much I loved him and that I was sorry he had to walk down this road. Whew, that's hard to recount. What a moment in time it was for me. Greg was the strong one that time. I am always amazed at how God uses one of us to get the other through a difficult moment.

Now, this is what we learned at our consultation:

Dr. Bhayani is an answer to a prayer that we didn't even know we needed to pray. I mean, a month ago, we had no idea we would be going through this. He is a very educated and experienced surgeon; we are confident in him and his work. Thank God for that.

Greg's PSA level (found in a blood test) was 3.7. That number was a little high for someone his age, which had his urologist concerned. That concern is why he had the biopsy done, his doctor said it was a precaution. Typically, prostate cancer is found when that level is 4.0 or higher. We learned on Monday that most urologist don't order a biopsy until it's 4.o. Greg's doctor ordered one just as a precaution... do you see where I'm going with this? It's a miracle and blessing this cancer was found when it was. He could have gone so much longer, but we had a conservative doctor that didn't ignore a small concern! So God used Dr. Rajen Doshi, the first urologist Greg saw, to err on the side of caution. Thank you God, again, for having Your hand in all of this!

A few more details: Out of 12 biopsies, 7 were cancerous. Greg has a Gleason score of 6 out of 10; our surgeon said that was moderate. The Gleason score is another way of scoring/rating/classifying the cancer. The 6 tells us that this is a moderate growing cancer and that it's serious, but not super aggressive.

There are many different methods to treat prostate cancer. We are in agreement that the only real option for us is to get it OUT!! Therefore, Greg will have a robotic prostatectomy on July 15th, 7:30 am. It's a 2-3 hour surgery. Most patients stay in the hospital for 1-2 nights. He will have some minor complications and out of work for around 2 weeks. Around 3-4 weeks, he should be able to resume all normal activities.

Once the prostate is removed and has been examined by a pathologist, we'll know for sure if Greg will need radiation. If the cancer was contained in the middle of the prostate, not on the outer edges, he probably won't need radiation. If there's any cancer on the outer edges, radiation may possibly be needed.

How can you pray for us? Pray that we would enjoy life until his surgery and not be overwhelmed with the future. We have a short vacation planned...and we are looking forward to that! Pray that when it's time for surgery, all will go very smooth and that there will be no major complications. Pray that the cancer will be confined to the middle of the prostate, no outer edges, so that Greg will not need radiation. Most of all pray that we will realize God's work in our lives in an evermore real manner and that He will use this for His glory.

Your prayers have been so evident to us over the last week and a half. God has been gracious to us and we know that he is with us through it all. May He be glorified in all we do.

Thank you for your outpouring of love and support!

Love, Greg and Shara

Update on Greg

Well, it's Thursday night and the last 24 hours have been rather...interesting, to say the least. Wednesday night when Greg came home from work, he didn't feel very well, neither did he look so good. He could barley make it up the stairs, due to weakness and dizziness. He was able to lay down; shortly after he was settled, I kissed his head and realized he was burning up. He had a high fever, chills, pain his his back and weakness in his legs. After he slept for a while and still felt so bad we decided to head to the ER. We started thinking that maybe there were some complications from his biopsy...we may have been a little right...still not really sure what was going on. The ER doctor consulted Greg's urologist, and they thought it best to go ahead and admit him Wednesday and start antibiotics through the IV, along with an anti-inflammatory. Greg finally got into his room, (which was a wonderful, double occupancy room) around 1:00 am. I left and came back home so that I could rest a few hours, since I wasn't aloud to stay overnight in the double occupancy room...those are so, not private! I realize that's obvious, but you really can't appreciate it until you have the experience!

So, he was at the same hospital that he would have been going to today to have the scans, one might think that should make the scans easy...not so! He was scheduled to have the bone scan and CT scan at 7:30 am; mind you, he was not supposed to eat anything until after his CT scan. I spent the better part of the day with him as we tried to wait *patiently* for him to go have the scans. Finally at around 12:00, he was taken down to have the bone scan. I was able to go in with him, took about an hour. Not too bad, he did just fine. I prayed and he did his best to be still...that's what he was told to do. He commented that it's kinda hard to be still when someone tells you to. We talked about the fact that it's no wonder children have trouble "being still" It's like they are being asked to do the impossible...I think we might have a little sympathy towards the whole be still thing, at least for a little while :)

After the bone scan I left Greg to rest, while he was waiting on the CT scan, that was supposed to be at 7:30. Waiting is never fun, especially when it's something you might be a little anxious over...just thought you might want to know that very profound tidbit of info. I spent some time with the kids for the afternoon and then took them over to some friends' house, while I went back to the hospital to spend a little more time with Greg. Finally, at around 6:45 pm, he had the CT scan, only took about 5 minutes; the worst part was the delicious drink he had to consume before the scan!

Finally after the CT scan, he ate his favorite burrito from Qdoba, that I had picked up for him. He had not eaten in almost 24 hours...a super hungry man is not a good thing!

******Praise******* His urologist came by this evening and told him that the bone scan looked great and normal. Now we just need to get the results of the CT scan. Thank you Sweet, Lord Jesus for that answered prayer!

Greg is still at the hospital; the doctor told him he should be going home on Friday morning. He feels much better and is ready for the weekend and to see his kiddos. They do miss their Daddy so much. My favorite part of the day was tonight: We all put blankets down on the floor and piled up together. While laying there, Jordan told me that he hoped he had a dream about Daddy, Jannah added that she wanted to dream about Daddy too. That melted my heart; they love that man, and so do I!

Thank you my dear family and friends for your continued prayers and support. We are getting there, one day at a time, by the grace and strength of God.